This year for Father's Day I am going to step aside. It was not an easy decision to make, in fact I really had no choice. I am just accepting what apparently is a natural part of life.
An 8 year old boy just does not need a Mom the way he used to. Oh he still needs her and always will but for now I just need to step aside an let Dad take over.
It is more cool to play catch with Dad. He throws better and even though I technically know more about baseball, it is more enjoyable to watch a ball game with Dad, not Mom. When I could not cite Major League statistics from the 1950's and failed to memorize Joe DiMaggio's hitting record, I knew I lost creditability. I tried to gain some back by recounting the ball game where Steve Carlton struck out his 3,000th batter. I was there and surely that must count for something. But it didn't.
I don't laugh at toilet jokes, but Dad tells really funny ones. I don't lay on the couch and watch TV, but Dad does. I get upset when my son's feelings are hurt or he is left out among his cousins, but Dad doesn't. He seems to know just what to say and how to move on without being hurt. Dad knows what is cool, how to handle bullies with one quick and witty comeback, he can talk to girls and do Everyday Math. Dad understands that when boys get together they burp and tease and wrestle themselves into a great big pile.
This year for Father's day I am stepping aside to make room for something that is bigger than life itself, the bond between a father and son. I am going to sit back and watch it grow (maybe water it every once in a while and feed it wings and frozen pizza). But most of all I am going to enjoy it.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
A Case for Full Day Kindergarten
I recently had the opportunity to attend a Town Hall meeting sponsored by the Oxford Area School District. Potential budget cuts dominated the agenda and most parents attending expressed concern over the possible elimination of full day kindergarten and a return to a half day of kindergarten. After the meeting, I couldn't help but think of the evolution of education in our country and the crisis it currently faces.
Elizabeth began attending full day kindergarten 2 short weeks after her 5th birthday. I felt hesitant sending her to school for such a long period of time. She had rarely been away from me for more than 3 or 4 hours. After 2 months of cranky late afternoons, she adjusted and now, 100 plus days into it, she reads, keeps a journal, and completes simple math equations accurately.
But what has impressed me even more is the school district's approach to science. The kindergarten students leave their classroom and go to a classroom converted into a science lab. I first saw the science lab when I attended an Open House. It was empty of students but impressive. On Back to School Night I saw the science lab for the second time. I was more than impressed. The room, empty of teachers, was filled with kindergarten students eager to show their parents what they learned. I watched over a dozen confident boys and girls independently conduct a science experiment and explain the results. Imagine that, these 5 year old children explained a hypothesis, completed an experiment, evaluated their hypothesis and came to a conclusion. No other 5 year old in my family has had that strong of a foundation in science.
My grand parents emigrated from Italy in the early 20th century. They were uneducated and spoke little English. They worked very hard but did not value education. My Mother has often told me a story where the school principal would come to my grandfather, begging him to send his boys to school so they could play sports. My grand father kept them home so they could work. With support of the school system, my mother and her brothers did complete high school. My husband and I have 3 masters degrees between us. Each generation continues to achieve higher educational goals than the last. Seeing what Elizabeth has been exposed to so far in kindergarten, the possibilities for her seemed endless.
Surely this is what President Bush meant when he spoke about improving standards in the public school system. Giving 5 year old children access to this level science in an enriched environment is a step in the right direction. Connor never had a science lab and as a volunteer, I saw his teacher jam several minutes of science into their 3 hour day along with everything else. The science supplies and experiments were restricted by available space and time constraints.
In President Obama's 2011 state of the Union Address he referred to the need to strengthen our school systems and to provide a firm foundation at a very young age. Surely that is what this school district is working towards achieving and here is the direct result: a science lab full of 5 year olds, boys and girls, English speaking and Spanish speaking with a new found love of science. With continued support from the school district and at home these children could achieve goals their parents could never even imagine. They could literally shoot for the Moon. Certainly these children will be better equipped to handle the challenges currently facing our world.
Hopefully the Oxford Area School District will not have to make any cuts in their budget. If they do I will not support cuts that directly adversely affect their students' curriculum. To eliminate full day kindergarten would be one giant step backwards, back to the days of Elizabeth's great grand parents, back to education during the Great Depression and that is a place where we surely do not need to return.
Elizabeth began attending full day kindergarten 2 short weeks after her 5th birthday. I felt hesitant sending her to school for such a long period of time. She had rarely been away from me for more than 3 or 4 hours. After 2 months of cranky late afternoons, she adjusted and now, 100 plus days into it, she reads, keeps a journal, and completes simple math equations accurately.
But what has impressed me even more is the school district's approach to science. The kindergarten students leave their classroom and go to a classroom converted into a science lab. I first saw the science lab when I attended an Open House. It was empty of students but impressive. On Back to School Night I saw the science lab for the second time. I was more than impressed. The room, empty of teachers, was filled with kindergarten students eager to show their parents what they learned. I watched over a dozen confident boys and girls independently conduct a science experiment and explain the results. Imagine that, these 5 year old children explained a hypothesis, completed an experiment, evaluated their hypothesis and came to a conclusion. No other 5 year old in my family has had that strong of a foundation in science.
My grand parents emigrated from Italy in the early 20th century. They were uneducated and spoke little English. They worked very hard but did not value education. My Mother has often told me a story where the school principal would come to my grandfather, begging him to send his boys to school so they could play sports. My grand father kept them home so they could work. With support of the school system, my mother and her brothers did complete high school. My husband and I have 3 masters degrees between us. Each generation continues to achieve higher educational goals than the last. Seeing what Elizabeth has been exposed to so far in kindergarten, the possibilities for her seemed endless.
Surely this is what President Bush meant when he spoke about improving standards in the public school system. Giving 5 year old children access to this level science in an enriched environment is a step in the right direction. Connor never had a science lab and as a volunteer, I saw his teacher jam several minutes of science into their 3 hour day along with everything else. The science supplies and experiments were restricted by available space and time constraints.
In President Obama's 2011 state of the Union Address he referred to the need to strengthen our school systems and to provide a firm foundation at a very young age. Surely that is what this school district is working towards achieving and here is the direct result: a science lab full of 5 year olds, boys and girls, English speaking and Spanish speaking with a new found love of science. With continued support from the school district and at home these children could achieve goals their parents could never even imagine. They could literally shoot for the Moon. Certainly these children will be better equipped to handle the challenges currently facing our world.
Hopefully the Oxford Area School District will not have to make any cuts in their budget. If they do I will not support cuts that directly adversely affect their students' curriculum. To eliminate full day kindergarten would be one giant step backwards, back to the days of Elizabeth's great grand parents, back to education during the Great Depression and that is a place where we surely do not need to return.
Friday, November 12, 2010
A Thank You
I attended school conferences for both children last night. No surprises with Connor and I always brace myself for Elizabeth but I am fortunate enough again this year that her teacher allows her spirit to flourish.
School conferences always offer the amazing opportunity to enter the world through your child's eyes. The fact that both kids are writing now makes it all the more interesting. What seem to me everyday occurrences or "adult issues", take on a life of their own when told from a child's perspective.
In one of Connor's stories, he recounts a day when I made him refold all the laundry he and Tasha destroyed while playing fetch in the house. From his perspective it was a memorable moment because it was the first time Tasha, a frightened and timid rescue dog, played with him. A big deal for a boy who lost his dog and best friend earlier this year. He comments that everyone had fun and was laughing except Mom and includes a lovely picture of his stern Mother!
Elizabeth wrote about a series of sad and unfortunate events that happened to a friend of mine who lost her home. It is very matter of fact and written and a way that makes me wonder if she afraid the same thing will happen to us. I never considered the impact this had on Elizabeth.
Both experiences make me grateful for their teachers who encourage their independent thinking and self expression. I still think I know my kids better than anyone but it is good to be reminded that I don't know everything.
School conferences always offer the amazing opportunity to enter the world through your child's eyes. The fact that both kids are writing now makes it all the more interesting. What seem to me everyday occurrences or "adult issues", take on a life of their own when told from a child's perspective.
In one of Connor's stories, he recounts a day when I made him refold all the laundry he and Tasha destroyed while playing fetch in the house. From his perspective it was a memorable moment because it was the first time Tasha, a frightened and timid rescue dog, played with him. A big deal for a boy who lost his dog and best friend earlier this year. He comments that everyone had fun and was laughing except Mom and includes a lovely picture of his stern Mother!
Elizabeth wrote about a series of sad and unfortunate events that happened to a friend of mine who lost her home. It is very matter of fact and written and a way that makes me wonder if she afraid the same thing will happen to us. I never considered the impact this had on Elizabeth.
Both experiences make me grateful for their teachers who encourage their independent thinking and self expression. I still think I know my kids better than anyone but it is good to be reminded that I don't know everything.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Ugh...UGG's
I sometimes wonder if I need to intervene when Elizabeth gets dressed. Her outfit today consisted a fuzzy pink sweater and red plaid leggings, which would not have been too bad except for the purple knees socks. She pushed the red leggings up over her knees so everyone could see the hearts on her knee socks. After a failed attempt to encourage her to change, I drove her to Sunday School. I always struggle with when to let her creativity flow and when to let conformity reign.
Then we went shopping. Now shopping with Elizabeth can be entertaining or excruciatingly painful. Her instructions today...pick out one pair of shoes that can be worn with pants or a dress..... Elizabeth picked out the 5 most obnoxious shoes in her size, carefully lined up the boxes in single file, sat on a bench and ever so slowly tried each one on her feet.
Engrossed in this ritual, she hardly noticed when another family arrived. A girl, about Elizabeth's age raced up to her mother with (very cute) imitation UGGs on.
"I want these! They are so comfy. Can I have them." She said to her mother.
"Oh no", said Mom, "Don't worry I am buying you UGGs, just not today." She did not look worried, however Mom did,
"But I like these" she said. And her father pointed out that they were only 19.99 compared to the UGGs they had seen for $100.00.
"I am buying her Uggs", Mom repeated
This went on and on with an occasional "Please!!!" from the daughter..
Finally, the mother said rather sharply to her husband "She is getting UGGs. and that is all there is to it. Now get them off her!"
Elizabeth, completely unphased by the other Mother's rage had narrowed her decision down to a pair of cowgirl boots and a pair of shiny, pink Mary Janes. Turning to me she said,' Mom, I just can't decide,"
to which I responded, "It is totally up to you, Elizabeth".
Because, you know, sometimes you just have to let a little girl live her own dream and not someone else's
Then we went shopping. Now shopping with Elizabeth can be entertaining or excruciatingly painful. Her instructions today...pick out one pair of shoes that can be worn with pants or a dress..... Elizabeth picked out the 5 most obnoxious shoes in her size, carefully lined up the boxes in single file, sat on a bench and ever so slowly tried each one on her feet.
Engrossed in this ritual, she hardly noticed when another family arrived. A girl, about Elizabeth's age raced up to her mother with (very cute) imitation UGGs on.
"I want these! They are so comfy. Can I have them." She said to her mother.
"Oh no", said Mom, "Don't worry I am buying you UGGs, just not today." She did not look worried, however Mom did,
"But I like these" she said. And her father pointed out that they were only 19.99 compared to the UGGs they had seen for $100.00.
"I am buying her Uggs", Mom repeated
This went on and on with an occasional "Please!!!" from the daughter..
Finally, the mother said rather sharply to her husband "She is getting UGGs. and that is all there is to it. Now get them off her!"
Elizabeth, completely unphased by the other Mother's rage had narrowed her decision down to a pair of cowgirl boots and a pair of shiny, pink Mary Janes. Turning to me she said,' Mom, I just can't decide,"
to which I responded, "It is totally up to you, Elizabeth".
Because, you know, sometimes you just have to let a little girl live her own dream and not someone else's
Monday, July 5, 2010
Reaching a Milestone
For years now I have held a membership to our local swim club and every summer I have packed my bags and lugged all the necessities a Mom with young children needs to survive an afternoon poolside. During this time, I have watched with much longing and envy, the Moms of older kids reading magazines and novels as their children swim carefree in the surrounding pools. I have longed to be among them.
Some of them even talk on the phone for long periods of time, uninterrupted. But not me. I would be set to swim, every day no matter what my condition or the condition of the pool. I would be prepared to carry children, provide the entertainment and activities for said children, and negotiate between the children when one could swim and one could not.
I would be wet, in freezing water, mascara running, while other moms lay pool side maybe even napping. I would stare at them silently begging for a turn to be just like them.
Finally this is the year I have been waiting for. Both kids can swim, both kids can go down the slide and both kids can dive (kind of). I have finally joined the ranks of those Moms I have long envied. I bring a book with me and on the days that I absolutely just cannot get into the water (you know what I mean) I don't have to come up with some lame excuse for why we aren't going swimming in 90 degree weather.
There is not much more that a Mom can ask for. Now if only they could apply their own sunscreen....
Some of them even talk on the phone for long periods of time, uninterrupted. But not me. I would be set to swim, every day no matter what my condition or the condition of the pool. I would be prepared to carry children, provide the entertainment and activities for said children, and negotiate between the children when one could swim and one could not.
I would be wet, in freezing water, mascara running, while other moms lay pool side maybe even napping. I would stare at them silently begging for a turn to be just like them.
Finally this is the year I have been waiting for. Both kids can swim, both kids can go down the slide and both kids can dive (kind of). I have finally joined the ranks of those Moms I have long envied. I bring a book with me and on the days that I absolutely just cannot get into the water (you know what I mean) I don't have to come up with some lame excuse for why we aren't going swimming in 90 degree weather.
There is not much more that a Mom can ask for. Now if only they could apply their own sunscreen....
Monday, May 17, 2010
Elizabeth is graduating!
Elizabeth will graduate from preschool next week and I am tearful already. It will be an emotional day for me, not so much because my baby is growing up, (she does still fit nicely on my hip), but because I nearly died from complications following her birth. Every milestone my kids achieve, especially Elizabeth's, is marked by joyful tears and thankfulness that I am there to be a part of it .
I do not really talk much about what happened when Elizabeth was born because people sometimes seem overcome with an awkwardness or they do not know what to say. I don't mind but would like to tell them what a gift it is to be given a second chance and how different the world is for me now.
On graduation day I won't argue with Elizabeth over what to wear or what to put in her hair or how clean her fingernails are. It doesn't really matter. I will be the Mom with tissues in hand, just thankful that Elizabeth has someone there. Someone who has been there to hug and to coax, to discipline and teach, to encourage, to marvel, to give, and most of all to receive. Someone who knows her better than anyone and loves her even more.
I do not really talk much about what happened when Elizabeth was born because people sometimes seem overcome with an awkwardness or they do not know what to say. I don't mind but would like to tell them what a gift it is to be given a second chance and how different the world is for me now.
On graduation day I won't argue with Elizabeth over what to wear or what to put in her hair or how clean her fingernails are. It doesn't really matter. I will be the Mom with tissues in hand, just thankful that Elizabeth has someone there. Someone who has been there to hug and to coax, to discipline and teach, to encourage, to marvel, to give, and most of all to receive. Someone who knows her better than anyone and loves her even more.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Broken Eggs
Elizabeth broke 17 eggs last night and informed me of my culpability in the mess, as I failed to place the eggs in a more secure location. She approached me before dinner, as I played a board game with Connor. "It's the eggs" she told me, "they were in my way. I needed the happy milk" (i.e. organic milk, from happy cows).
"What about them? " I asked.
"I broke one and you know, it's your fault because you made them slanted in the refrigerator."
I venture into the kitchen to find a carton of 18 eggs on the kitchen floor with every egg displaced. One is clear across the kitchen. Several are huddled fractured and leaking against our island. One is in pieces and appears to have been stepped on. "Oh Elizabeth.." I start and then stop. I am so angry but refrain from yelling at her. She reminds me it is my fault and we discuss the concept of asking for help if we can't reach the happy milk from happy cows.
"What are you going to do?" she asks.
"Clean it up." I tell her. I start and fail. Half solid, half liquid mess, the paper towels and rags don't work.
Frustrated, I am speaking to her in a very controlled voice, trying not to yell as she pulls up a chair sits down and stares. "What are you doing?" I ask.
"Watching", she tells me. To which I ask, through gritted teeth, "Why?!?"
She looks at me perplexed, as if I should already know the answer. finally she explains, "In case I have a girl. You know, when I grow up and have a girl of my own. I have to know what to do. She will break my eggs and I want to know what to do if she does."
And I am suddenly calm. As she swings her feet back and forth, it occurs to me that she is always watching and storing information. She learns how to cope from how I handle situations just like this.
"Well you can help me" I tell her. "That's what I would want your little girl to do: help you and then move on to something else."
And that's just what we do. She gets me a dust pan and together we scrape the sloppy mess onto the pan, into the trash and then we move on. Incident forgotten and for me a valuable lesson learned.
"What about them? " I asked.
"I broke one and you know, it's your fault because you made them slanted in the refrigerator."
I venture into the kitchen to find a carton of 18 eggs on the kitchen floor with every egg displaced. One is clear across the kitchen. Several are huddled fractured and leaking against our island. One is in pieces and appears to have been stepped on. "Oh Elizabeth.." I start and then stop. I am so angry but refrain from yelling at her. She reminds me it is my fault and we discuss the concept of asking for help if we can't reach the happy milk from happy cows.
"What are you going to do?" she asks.
"Clean it up." I tell her. I start and fail. Half solid, half liquid mess, the paper towels and rags don't work.
Frustrated, I am speaking to her in a very controlled voice, trying not to yell as she pulls up a chair sits down and stares. "What are you doing?" I ask.
"Watching", she tells me. To which I ask, through gritted teeth, "Why?!?"
She looks at me perplexed, as if I should already know the answer. finally she explains, "In case I have a girl. You know, when I grow up and have a girl of my own. I have to know what to do. She will break my eggs and I want to know what to do if she does."
And I am suddenly calm. As she swings her feet back and forth, it occurs to me that she is always watching and storing information. She learns how to cope from how I handle situations just like this.
"Well you can help me" I tell her. "That's what I would want your little girl to do: help you and then move on to something else."
And that's just what we do. She gets me a dust pan and together we scrape the sloppy mess onto the pan, into the trash and then we move on. Incident forgotten and for me a valuable lesson learned.
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