I read in a book that 8 year old boys go through tremendous changes as they approach 9. They have different wants and needs. Their priorities change and they eat 4 times the amount of food they did a year ago. I was ready for all of this. It was in the book.
But what about the changes in their interests? The interests that define their childhood, build common bonds and occupy hours of play time. The change happens over night, and without warning.
I remember a few years ago Connor decided he was through with Thomas the Tank Engine. I felt relieved. Frankly, I found the talking trains somewhat disturbing and the songs utterly annoying. We kept a few trains for sentimentality and Connor never looked back. He had watched Star Wars: A New Hope, with us and it took him where talking trains could not. Sure Diesel was mean but he was no Darth Vader. Watch Episode III and you realize an ill mannered train has nothing on a light saber wielding, General Grievous.
Now Star Wars is something that I can relate to. I am of the generation that saw the episodes in proper order, starting with 4, not 1. I remember the collective gasp in the movie theater when Darth Vader reveals the truth to the beleaguered Luke and I waited anxiously for the (disappointing) episode 6. I have enjoyed watching Connor relive the saga. We built a common bond, often debating which episode is best (Episode 5) while making up alternate endings for other episodes.
Connor has Star Wars posters, legos, games, action figures, transformers, and books that range from easy readers to the chapter books delving into the lives of Han and Leah (they get married and have children, one of whom goes to the dark side.). Our common love of Star Wars, left me unprepared for this latest growth spurt.
His room is to be painted Yankees blue with a Cowboy's accent wall. In preparation we started going through old decor and toys.
"Do you want this train photo?"
"No."
"This airplane model?"
"No"
"Even though it was the first one you and Dad built?"
Confused look.
"Never mind". The yard sale pile grew and grew.
"What about your Star Wars Action figures?"
"Get rid of them"
Silence.
"Are you sure?"
"yeah."
"How about if I put them up on the shelf in your closet for a while."
"Whatever".
More silence.
I don't know if I am ready for the young man I am raising to make his appearance but I see I have no choice. I put the action figures on his shelf, next to Thomas and Diesel, but I am saving them for me not him. They are a reminder for when I open the door and want to look back. Connor does not need to look back and I can't keep him here in the closet with me. He is moving forward on his own path embracing life and ready to take on it's the next adventure.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
The Color Wheel
Elizabeth has a pink room. It is a typical little girls room, pink with a Disney Princess bed spread ensemble. Well most of it is typical. she does have a green glass spider dangling from a spring below a shelf but otherwise completely pink.
A while ago she told me she had outgrown the Disney Princess theme and longed for something different. Dogs perhaps, or spots and maybe some stripes. I thought it odd that at age 5, she'd be through with princesses but we flipped the comforter over so it was solid pink and I suggested she think about it for a while. She thought and thought and soon I forgot but she was still thinking.
Enter older brother, who wants his room painted Yankees and Cowboys Blue. All of which reminds Elizabeth that it is time to stop thinking and announce her decision.
"I have decided on a color."
" What is it?" I cringe as Andy asks her and I repeat to myself "please don't say black, please don't say black."
"Red."
Am I ready for red? I liked pink. Pink was soft and quite, peaceful and passive. Red is full of energy, loud and passionate. Red is angry and dangerous.
I look at Elizabeth and realize my mistake. She is not pink. She is not passive, not quiet and not peaceful and I couldn't be prouder of that. She is loud, passionate, strong, angry and even dangerous (depending on when you cross her path) and I love her for it. She has all of those qualities of a girl who drenches each day with her imagination and who spends the night spinning a web of adventures for her own amusement come sunrise.
So to all the little girls out there who find themselves stuck in pink, grab a paint brush and paint yourself a path that leads to red
A while ago she told me she had outgrown the Disney Princess theme and longed for something different. Dogs perhaps, or spots and maybe some stripes. I thought it odd that at age 5, she'd be through with princesses but we flipped the comforter over so it was solid pink and I suggested she think about it for a while. She thought and thought and soon I forgot but she was still thinking.
Enter older brother, who wants his room painted Yankees and Cowboys Blue. All of which reminds Elizabeth that it is time to stop thinking and announce her decision.
"I have decided on a color."
" What is it?" I cringe as Andy asks her and I repeat to myself "please don't say black, please don't say black."
"Red."
Am I ready for red? I liked pink. Pink was soft and quite, peaceful and passive. Red is full of energy, loud and passionate. Red is angry and dangerous.
I look at Elizabeth and realize my mistake. She is not pink. She is not passive, not quiet and not peaceful and I couldn't be prouder of that. She is loud, passionate, strong, angry and even dangerous (depending on when you cross her path) and I love her for it. She has all of those qualities of a girl who drenches each day with her imagination and who spends the night spinning a web of adventures for her own amusement come sunrise.
So to all the little girls out there who find themselves stuck in pink, grab a paint brush and paint yourself a path that leads to red
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Happy Father's Day
This year for Father's Day I am going to step aside. It was not an easy decision to make, in fact I really had no choice. I am just accepting what apparently is a natural part of life.
An 8 year old boy just does not need a Mom the way he used to. Oh he still needs her and always will but for now I just need to step aside an let Dad take over.
It is more cool to play catch with Dad. He throws better and even though I technically know more about baseball, it is more enjoyable to watch a ball game with Dad, not Mom. When I could not cite Major League statistics from the 1950's and failed to memorize Joe DiMaggio's hitting record, I knew I lost creditability. I tried to gain some back by recounting the ball game where Steve Carlton struck out his 3,000th batter. I was there and surely that must count for something. But it didn't.
I don't laugh at toilet jokes, but Dad tells really funny ones. I don't lay on the couch and watch TV, but Dad does. I get upset when my son's feelings are hurt or he is left out among his cousins, but Dad doesn't. He seems to know just what to say and how to move on without being hurt. Dad knows what is cool, how to handle bullies with one quick and witty comeback, he can talk to girls and do Everyday Math. Dad understands that when boys get together they burp and tease and wrestle themselves into a great big pile.
This year for Father's day I am stepping aside to make room for something that is bigger than life itself, the bond between a father and son. I am going to sit back and watch it grow (maybe water it every once in a while and feed it wings and frozen pizza). But most of all I am going to enjoy it.
An 8 year old boy just does not need a Mom the way he used to. Oh he still needs her and always will but for now I just need to step aside an let Dad take over.
It is more cool to play catch with Dad. He throws better and even though I technically know more about baseball, it is more enjoyable to watch a ball game with Dad, not Mom. When I could not cite Major League statistics from the 1950's and failed to memorize Joe DiMaggio's hitting record, I knew I lost creditability. I tried to gain some back by recounting the ball game where Steve Carlton struck out his 3,000th batter. I was there and surely that must count for something. But it didn't.
I don't laugh at toilet jokes, but Dad tells really funny ones. I don't lay on the couch and watch TV, but Dad does. I get upset when my son's feelings are hurt or he is left out among his cousins, but Dad doesn't. He seems to know just what to say and how to move on without being hurt. Dad knows what is cool, how to handle bullies with one quick and witty comeback, he can talk to girls and do Everyday Math. Dad understands that when boys get together they burp and tease and wrestle themselves into a great big pile.
This year for Father's day I am stepping aside to make room for something that is bigger than life itself, the bond between a father and son. I am going to sit back and watch it grow (maybe water it every once in a while and feed it wings and frozen pizza). But most of all I am going to enjoy it.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
A Case for Full Day Kindergarten
I recently had the opportunity to attend a Town Hall meeting sponsored by the Oxford Area School District. Potential budget cuts dominated the agenda and most parents attending expressed concern over the possible elimination of full day kindergarten and a return to a half day of kindergarten. After the meeting, I couldn't help but think of the evolution of education in our country and the crisis it currently faces.
Elizabeth began attending full day kindergarten 2 short weeks after her 5th birthday. I felt hesitant sending her to school for such a long period of time. She had rarely been away from me for more than 3 or 4 hours. After 2 months of cranky late afternoons, she adjusted and now, 100 plus days into it, she reads, keeps a journal, and completes simple math equations accurately.
But what has impressed me even more is the school district's approach to science. The kindergarten students leave their classroom and go to a classroom converted into a science lab. I first saw the science lab when I attended an Open House. It was empty of students but impressive. On Back to School Night I saw the science lab for the second time. I was more than impressed. The room, empty of teachers, was filled with kindergarten students eager to show their parents what they learned. I watched over a dozen confident boys and girls independently conduct a science experiment and explain the results. Imagine that, these 5 year old children explained a hypothesis, completed an experiment, evaluated their hypothesis and came to a conclusion. No other 5 year old in my family has had that strong of a foundation in science.
My grand parents emigrated from Italy in the early 20th century. They were uneducated and spoke little English. They worked very hard but did not value education. My Mother has often told me a story where the school principal would come to my grandfather, begging him to send his boys to school so they could play sports. My grand father kept them home so they could work. With support of the school system, my mother and her brothers did complete high school. My husband and I have 3 masters degrees between us. Each generation continues to achieve higher educational goals than the last. Seeing what Elizabeth has been exposed to so far in kindergarten, the possibilities for her seemed endless.
Surely this is what President Bush meant when he spoke about improving standards in the public school system. Giving 5 year old children access to this level science in an enriched environment is a step in the right direction. Connor never had a science lab and as a volunteer, I saw his teacher jam several minutes of science into their 3 hour day along with everything else. The science supplies and experiments were restricted by available space and time constraints.
In President Obama's 2011 state of the Union Address he referred to the need to strengthen our school systems and to provide a firm foundation at a very young age. Surely that is what this school district is working towards achieving and here is the direct result: a science lab full of 5 year olds, boys and girls, English speaking and Spanish speaking with a new found love of science. With continued support from the school district and at home these children could achieve goals their parents could never even imagine. They could literally shoot for the Moon. Certainly these children will be better equipped to handle the challenges currently facing our world.
Hopefully the Oxford Area School District will not have to make any cuts in their budget. If they do I will not support cuts that directly adversely affect their students' curriculum. To eliminate full day kindergarten would be one giant step backwards, back to the days of Elizabeth's great grand parents, back to education during the Great Depression and that is a place where we surely do not need to return.
Elizabeth began attending full day kindergarten 2 short weeks after her 5th birthday. I felt hesitant sending her to school for such a long period of time. She had rarely been away from me for more than 3 or 4 hours. After 2 months of cranky late afternoons, she adjusted and now, 100 plus days into it, she reads, keeps a journal, and completes simple math equations accurately.
But what has impressed me even more is the school district's approach to science. The kindergarten students leave their classroom and go to a classroom converted into a science lab. I first saw the science lab when I attended an Open House. It was empty of students but impressive. On Back to School Night I saw the science lab for the second time. I was more than impressed. The room, empty of teachers, was filled with kindergarten students eager to show their parents what they learned. I watched over a dozen confident boys and girls independently conduct a science experiment and explain the results. Imagine that, these 5 year old children explained a hypothesis, completed an experiment, evaluated their hypothesis and came to a conclusion. No other 5 year old in my family has had that strong of a foundation in science.
My grand parents emigrated from Italy in the early 20th century. They were uneducated and spoke little English. They worked very hard but did not value education. My Mother has often told me a story where the school principal would come to my grandfather, begging him to send his boys to school so they could play sports. My grand father kept them home so they could work. With support of the school system, my mother and her brothers did complete high school. My husband and I have 3 masters degrees between us. Each generation continues to achieve higher educational goals than the last. Seeing what Elizabeth has been exposed to so far in kindergarten, the possibilities for her seemed endless.
Surely this is what President Bush meant when he spoke about improving standards in the public school system. Giving 5 year old children access to this level science in an enriched environment is a step in the right direction. Connor never had a science lab and as a volunteer, I saw his teacher jam several minutes of science into their 3 hour day along with everything else. The science supplies and experiments were restricted by available space and time constraints.
In President Obama's 2011 state of the Union Address he referred to the need to strengthen our school systems and to provide a firm foundation at a very young age. Surely that is what this school district is working towards achieving and here is the direct result: a science lab full of 5 year olds, boys and girls, English speaking and Spanish speaking with a new found love of science. With continued support from the school district and at home these children could achieve goals their parents could never even imagine. They could literally shoot for the Moon. Certainly these children will be better equipped to handle the challenges currently facing our world.
Hopefully the Oxford Area School District will not have to make any cuts in their budget. If they do I will not support cuts that directly adversely affect their students' curriculum. To eliminate full day kindergarten would be one giant step backwards, back to the days of Elizabeth's great grand parents, back to education during the Great Depression and that is a place where we surely do not need to return.
Friday, November 12, 2010
A Thank You
I attended school conferences for both children last night. No surprises with Connor and I always brace myself for Elizabeth but I am fortunate enough again this year that her teacher allows her spirit to flourish.
School conferences always offer the amazing opportunity to enter the world through your child's eyes. The fact that both kids are writing now makes it all the more interesting. What seem to me everyday occurrences or "adult issues", take on a life of their own when told from a child's perspective.
In one of Connor's stories, he recounts a day when I made him refold all the laundry he and Tasha destroyed while playing fetch in the house. From his perspective it was a memorable moment because it was the first time Tasha, a frightened and timid rescue dog, played with him. A big deal for a boy who lost his dog and best friend earlier this year. He comments that everyone had fun and was laughing except Mom and includes a lovely picture of his stern Mother!
Elizabeth wrote about a series of sad and unfortunate events that happened to a friend of mine who lost her home. It is very matter of fact and written and a way that makes me wonder if she afraid the same thing will happen to us. I never considered the impact this had on Elizabeth.
Both experiences make me grateful for their teachers who encourage their independent thinking and self expression. I still think I know my kids better than anyone but it is good to be reminded that I don't know everything.
School conferences always offer the amazing opportunity to enter the world through your child's eyes. The fact that both kids are writing now makes it all the more interesting. What seem to me everyday occurrences or "adult issues", take on a life of their own when told from a child's perspective.
In one of Connor's stories, he recounts a day when I made him refold all the laundry he and Tasha destroyed while playing fetch in the house. From his perspective it was a memorable moment because it was the first time Tasha, a frightened and timid rescue dog, played with him. A big deal for a boy who lost his dog and best friend earlier this year. He comments that everyone had fun and was laughing except Mom and includes a lovely picture of his stern Mother!
Elizabeth wrote about a series of sad and unfortunate events that happened to a friend of mine who lost her home. It is very matter of fact and written and a way that makes me wonder if she afraid the same thing will happen to us. I never considered the impact this had on Elizabeth.
Both experiences make me grateful for their teachers who encourage their independent thinking and self expression. I still think I know my kids better than anyone but it is good to be reminded that I don't know everything.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Ugh...UGG's
I sometimes wonder if I need to intervene when Elizabeth gets dressed. Her outfit today consisted a fuzzy pink sweater and red plaid leggings, which would not have been too bad except for the purple knees socks. She pushed the red leggings up over her knees so everyone could see the hearts on her knee socks. After a failed attempt to encourage her to change, I drove her to Sunday School. I always struggle with when to let her creativity flow and when to let conformity reign.
Then we went shopping. Now shopping with Elizabeth can be entertaining or excruciatingly painful. Her instructions today...pick out one pair of shoes that can be worn with pants or a dress..... Elizabeth picked out the 5 most obnoxious shoes in her size, carefully lined up the boxes in single file, sat on a bench and ever so slowly tried each one on her feet.
Engrossed in this ritual, she hardly noticed when another family arrived. A girl, about Elizabeth's age raced up to her mother with (very cute) imitation UGGs on.
"I want these! They are so comfy. Can I have them." She said to her mother.
"Oh no", said Mom, "Don't worry I am buying you UGGs, just not today." She did not look worried, however Mom did,
"But I like these" she said. And her father pointed out that they were only 19.99 compared to the UGGs they had seen for $100.00.
"I am buying her Uggs", Mom repeated
This went on and on with an occasional "Please!!!" from the daughter..
Finally, the mother said rather sharply to her husband "She is getting UGGs. and that is all there is to it. Now get them off her!"
Elizabeth, completely unphased by the other Mother's rage had narrowed her decision down to a pair of cowgirl boots and a pair of shiny, pink Mary Janes. Turning to me she said,' Mom, I just can't decide,"
to which I responded, "It is totally up to you, Elizabeth".
Because, you know, sometimes you just have to let a little girl live her own dream and not someone else's
Then we went shopping. Now shopping with Elizabeth can be entertaining or excruciatingly painful. Her instructions today...pick out one pair of shoes that can be worn with pants or a dress..... Elizabeth picked out the 5 most obnoxious shoes in her size, carefully lined up the boxes in single file, sat on a bench and ever so slowly tried each one on her feet.
Engrossed in this ritual, she hardly noticed when another family arrived. A girl, about Elizabeth's age raced up to her mother with (very cute) imitation UGGs on.
"I want these! They are so comfy. Can I have them." She said to her mother.
"Oh no", said Mom, "Don't worry I am buying you UGGs, just not today." She did not look worried, however Mom did,
"But I like these" she said. And her father pointed out that they were only 19.99 compared to the UGGs they had seen for $100.00.
"I am buying her Uggs", Mom repeated
This went on and on with an occasional "Please!!!" from the daughter..
Finally, the mother said rather sharply to her husband "She is getting UGGs. and that is all there is to it. Now get them off her!"
Elizabeth, completely unphased by the other Mother's rage had narrowed her decision down to a pair of cowgirl boots and a pair of shiny, pink Mary Janes. Turning to me she said,' Mom, I just can't decide,"
to which I responded, "It is totally up to you, Elizabeth".
Because, you know, sometimes you just have to let a little girl live her own dream and not someone else's
Monday, July 5, 2010
Reaching a Milestone
For years now I have held a membership to our local swim club and every summer I have packed my bags and lugged all the necessities a Mom with young children needs to survive an afternoon poolside. During this time, I have watched with much longing and envy, the Moms of older kids reading magazines and novels as their children swim carefree in the surrounding pools. I have longed to be among them.
Some of them even talk on the phone for long periods of time, uninterrupted. But not me. I would be set to swim, every day no matter what my condition or the condition of the pool. I would be prepared to carry children, provide the entertainment and activities for said children, and negotiate between the children when one could swim and one could not.
I would be wet, in freezing water, mascara running, while other moms lay pool side maybe even napping. I would stare at them silently begging for a turn to be just like them.
Finally this is the year I have been waiting for. Both kids can swim, both kids can go down the slide and both kids can dive (kind of). I have finally joined the ranks of those Moms I have long envied. I bring a book with me and on the days that I absolutely just cannot get into the water (you know what I mean) I don't have to come up with some lame excuse for why we aren't going swimming in 90 degree weather.
There is not much more that a Mom can ask for. Now if only they could apply their own sunscreen....
Some of them even talk on the phone for long periods of time, uninterrupted. But not me. I would be set to swim, every day no matter what my condition or the condition of the pool. I would be prepared to carry children, provide the entertainment and activities for said children, and negotiate between the children when one could swim and one could not.
I would be wet, in freezing water, mascara running, while other moms lay pool side maybe even napping. I would stare at them silently begging for a turn to be just like them.
Finally this is the year I have been waiting for. Both kids can swim, both kids can go down the slide and both kids can dive (kind of). I have finally joined the ranks of those Moms I have long envied. I bring a book with me and on the days that I absolutely just cannot get into the water (you know what I mean) I don't have to come up with some lame excuse for why we aren't going swimming in 90 degree weather.
There is not much more that a Mom can ask for. Now if only they could apply their own sunscreen....
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